War on Porn! - Extract 5

This is the fifth part of my book War on Porn! Prepare Your Mind for Battle , which can be downloaded free . You can read Part 1 here .

 

 

PORN AND YOUR TIME

Have you got an hour or so to spare every day? If so, I suggest you go and stand in a dark broom cupboard doing nothing for the full 60 minutes, every day of your life from now on, until you die. It’s true you won’t be doing anything productive, but at least you won’t be filling your mind with perverted and harmful imagery. Yes, I am being sarcastic, but you get the point. Many porn victims spend at least as long as that on their compulsion. All things considered, spending an hour a day watching porn is much worse than spending it standing in the broom cupboard. At least standing in the broom cupboard won’t do you any harm. You won’t lose your job for it.  Your wife (probably) won’t divorce you for it.  You won’t go to jail for it.  So consider:

•        How much time have you spent on porn over the last month? (Hint: Check your browsing history, if you haven’t deleted it.)

•        Is part of the frustration you feel after viewing porn due to knowing how much time you’ve squandered on it unnecessarily?

•        How would you like to have the option to spend your time on something else?

•        If you were to use some of that time getting more sleep, would your health improve?

•        If you were to use some of that time getting more exercise, would your health improve?

•        If you were to spend some of that time staying in touch with friends and making new friends, would your social life improve?

•        If you were to spend that time with your spouse, would your marriage improve?

•        If you were to spend that time with your kids, would your family life improve?

•        What positive effects could you enjoy from the above changes?

•        How would it make you feel?

•        Are you realizing your full potential, or are your abilities going to waste?

•        How much more could you achieve with your life if you paid the price and put in the necessary work to become free of porn?

•        How will you be set free by acknowledging the truth that breaking your porn habit will have a quantum positive effect on your free time and your life?

PORN AND YOUR SELF-ESTEEM

Maybe no one else knows about your porn habit. But you know. Why does no one else know? After all, they know you watch TV. You probably tell them about which movies you’ve been to see at the cinema, or which restaurants you’ve been to. So why don’t you tell them about your porn viewing? The answer is because you believe, correctly, that they would lose respect for you if they knew you were a porn victim. Now, think about this: You know you look at porn. Consequently, you lose respect for yourself. Porn is a major self-esteem killer. The following questions will help you to consider how you have been affected.

•        Have you been choosing the instant gratification of sexual release over the experience of abundant well-being, self-respect and genuine satisfaction?

•        What does it feel like to have to hide some of your daily activities from people you love?

•        You are concerned about what other people think. Shouldn’t you be equally concerned about what you think of yourself?

•        What effect does it have on your self-esteem to know you’ve been exploiting other people’s bodies for your own sexual gratification? How do you feel, knowing you’ve treated fellow human beings as essentially worthless objects?

•        Alternatively, what effect does it have on your self-esteem to know you’re spending hours every day hanging out with some of the most depraved, corrupt people in society? Are they the sort of people you want as your friends? Would you be proud to introduce them to your real friends and family? Or would you be thoroughly ashamed?

•        What effect does it have on your self-esteem to know you’ve poured large quantities of your time down the drain?

•        Are you enjoying the embarrassment of spending your hard-earned money on access to pornographic materials rather than using it for something constructive for yourself or your loved ones?

•        How would it feel to be back in charge of your own life again?

•        How would it feel to have a temptation and to say no to it, to experience being in control?

•        How would it feel not to have to hide anything you are or anything you do from anyone else?

•        How would it feel to look back at the end of a day, a week, a month or a year and to think that you’ve used it wisely, rather than squandering it on pointless endeavors?

•        How would it feel not to be worried about your spouse discovering your porn habit? Wouldn’t it be a tremendous relief?

•        How would it feel not to be worried about how your spouse would react?

•        How would it feel to be certain you’re not going to do something that would hurt your spouse’s feelings deeply?

•        How much do you love your spouse?

•        How much closer do you think you would feel to your spouse if you stayed away from porn specially for her?

•        How would you feel if you didn’t feel the need to lie or to cover up your actions?

•        If you’re a Christian, how do you feel about presenting yourself to your church as a devout, God-fearing person while secretly filling your mind with filth? Your fellow church members don’t know you do it, but you do? How does that make you feel? How would you like to be free of that feeling?

•        How do you feel about bringing immorality into your church? 

•        How would it feel to actually be the person your fellow church members think you are?

•        How would you feel if you lost your job due to your porn viewing and were in the awkward position of having to explain what happened to a potential new employer?

•        How would it feel to know that the truth was good enough – you don’t have to hide it?

•        How would you enjoy living in a way that you truly believe you are a good person?

•        What would it be like to feel you’re living up to your own potential?

•        What would it feel like to be a man of integrity?

•        What would it be like to know that your actions are congruent with your beliefs and the image of yourself you project to other people?

•        How will you be set free by recognizing the untold harm porn viewing is doing to your self-esteem and the massive boost in self-esteem you’ll get from leaving it behind?

•        Have you noticed how embarrassed you felt about what you are doing?

•        Now that you’ve looked at this process closely, is it rational to continue doing it?

•        Have you mentally rehearsed what you’ll say if your spouse, your employer or your friends discovery your porn viewing? Have you got some ready-made lies to tell them? How do you feel about planning to lie to people who trust you? Would you feel better about yourself if you didn’t need to?

•        Has the time come to put an end to the systematic ritual humiliation you’ve been subjecting yourself to for years, perhaps decades?

•        Would the skill of delayed gratification you learn in the process of abandoning your porn activities have positive uses in other areas of your life? How would that affect your self-esteem?

 

 

YOU CAN DO SOMETHING!

You don't have to be hooked on porn! Millions of people live happily without porn. You can be one of them.

Get the follow-up book 

 

 

Amazon.com

Amazon UK

Barnes & Noble

Kobo

Smashwords

 

In it, you'll learn more than a dozen techniques that can help you get free from your porn compulsion. You will see:

• Why  shame  and  guilt  don't work as motivators and what you can do about it.
• What personality traits can help you overcome your porn dependence.
• Why positive thinking can be  lethal  to your escape from porn.
• How to develop an escape plan to deal with triggers.
• How to execute your escape plan with the confidence and skill of a pro.
• The right and wrong way to promote success through visualization.
• The winning formula for changing your actions.
• Why you should  never  count days of abstinence.

WHAT IS YOUR PORN ADDICTION COSTING YOU?

• Money?
• Time?
• Relationships?
• Opportunities to develop skills?
• Peace of mind?
• Clean conscience?

War on Porn - Extract 4

 This is the fourth part of my book War on Porn! Prepare Your Mind for Battle , which can be downloaded free . You can read Part 1 here .

YOU ARE THE ONE WHO MUST DO IT

If you put a stone on the ground, it will stay there until some outside force acts upon it to move it. It could be a human or an animal moving it. It could be a force of nature such as wind or heavy rain. It could be an earthquake. One thing is certain: it’s not going to move itself. It doesn’t matter whether a year, five years, or ten thousand years pass. That stone is not moving unless some outside force or agency acts on it. No amount of wishing, no amount of thought will make it move.

Your porn habit is the same. Face the fact: It’s not going away by itself. If you want it to go away, you must do something about it. You have to take the initiative, carry out the necessary steps to make it happen. If you don’t do it, no one will. No one is coming to help. Even God only helps those who help themselves. So, think:

·        Whose responsibility is it to make your porn problem go away?

·        How clear is it to you that this problem won’t go away by itself?

·        This idea that you can just sit back, hope for the best, and everything will work out alright – is it rational or wildly irrational?

·        Are you being realistic about this point, or are you in denial, refusing to face reality?

·        In general, do you get better results when you deny and avoid reality, or when you recognize and work with it?

·        Are denying reality and burying your head in the sand the actions of a responsible adult, or of a child? How well are you handling this admittedly strenuous situation?

·        How well do you understand that if you don’t do something, you’ll still be a porn victim in ten years’ time?

·        Have you grasped that unless declare war on porn and fight passionately, you will eventually go to your grave addicted to porn?

·        How will you be set free when you realize that “if it is to be, it is up to me”?

·        Why should God help you if you’re not helping yourself?

·        What if the only one who can save you from porn is you?

·        There’s no free lunch in life. What price are you willing to pay to be free of porn? What are you willing to sacrifice?

·        You’re already sacrificing a lot to keep viewing porn; what are you willing to sacrifice to get out of it?

·        Are you ready to join the millions of people who are leading happy, fulfilled lives without porn? Do you want to be one of them?

IS PORN AS ENJOYABLE AS YOU THINK IT IS?

Think back to the last time you viewed porn? Did you enjoy it? You might think you did. Clearly there was the physical pleasure of the orgasm, if you managed one, but what about the process?

Porn is not recreation. You could watch TV or a film, play a sport, listen to some music. That’s recreation. Afterwards you feel refreshed. You don’t feel refreshed after viewing porn, do you? Actually, viewing porn sucks. Porn is your enemy and you have to destroy it from your life. Think:

·        Was the experience frustrating? Did you manage to find the images you want?

·        Did you tell yourself that you’ll stop in a few minutes’ time, only to disregard that decision?

·        Did you find yourself looking at the same images or videos you looked at the previous time? If so, were you somewhat disappointed that they didn’t give you the same rush you got from them the first time?

·        Was there an uneasy feeling in the back of your mind that you shouldn’t be doing this?

·        Were you on edge in case anyone happened to come in and discover you?

·        Did you experience frustration because of not finding the exact image or film that would do it for you?

·        Looking back, was the experience satisfying, fulfilling, rewarding? Or exhausting, frustrating, disappointing?

·        Did porn relax you, or did it tense you up?

·        If you felt relief due to sexual climax, why did you need relief to start with? Was it simply relief from the stress you was feeling due to viewing porn in the first place?

·        When remembering the ‘pleasure’ you may have experienced, was it really pleasure, or was it the frustrating and nervous anticipation of pleasure that never actually materialized?

·        Were you pining for an illusion, an ideal that exists only in your imagination? Is there anything there for you at all, or is the whole thing little more than a mirage?

·        Is viewing porn like recreation, or is it more like hard work?

·        At the end, were you proud of what you had done, or did you think: ‘Oh no, I did it again!’?

·        Did it leave you feeling great, or like a victim? Did it leave you feeling as if you’d been raped?

·        Is it rational to keep this “unpaid part-time job” or should you ditch it?

WILL ESCAPING FROM PORN BE AS PAINFUL AS YOU EXPECT?

When you adjust to your new porn-free life, there will be some discomfort. As I explain in Porn Escape, you need to guard against being overly positive and optimistic; you have to prepare yourself for obstacles. One of these will be that your mind and your body will crave porn for a period of time. This will involve some discomfort but it won’t involve physical pain.

·        Have you considered that you will face some discomfort as you stop being a porn victim?

·        Why is it necessary for you to be prepared for this possibility?

·        Am you willing to face a bit of discomfort?

·        Are you prepared for the discomfort? What are you going to do when it starts? How will you stop yourself from returning to your old ways?

·        What would you do if you relapsed? Would you get straight back up or would you wallow in your misery for a few months before you get back on track?

·        Can you distinguish between mild discomfort and physical pain, and recognize that you are not in any pain?

·        How will you benefit by recognizing that the discomfort will gradually fade?

·        How open are you to the idea that most of the discomfort is actually due to indecision, wavering and vacillation, and that the more resolute you are, the less difficulty you will face? 

YOU CAN DO SOMETHING!

You don't have to be hooked on porn! Millions of people live happily without porn. You can be one of them.

Get the follow-up book 

Amazon.com

Amazon UK

Barnes & Noble

Kobo

Smashwords

In it, you'll learn more than a dozen techniques that can help you get free from your porn compulsion. You will see:

• Why  shame  and  guilt  don't work as motivators and what you can do about it.
• What personality traits can help you overcome your porn dependence.
• Why positive thinking can be  lethal  to your escape from porn.
• How to develop an escape plan to deal with triggers.
• How to execute your escape plan with the confidence and skill of a pro.
• The right and wrong way to promote success through visualization.
• The winning formula for changing your actions.
• Why you should  never  count days of abstinence.

WHAT IS YOUR PORN ADDICTION COSTING YOU?

• Money?
• Time?
• Relationships?
• Opportunities to develop skills?
• Peace of mind?
• Clean conscience?

War on Porn! - Extract 3

 This is the third part of my book War on Porn! Prepare Your Mind for Battle , which can be downloaded free . You can read Part 1 here .

THE MANY BENEFITS OF BREAKING THE PORN HABIT
If you’re currently hooked on viewing porn, you’re doing it for a reason. Porn compulsion is not the result of a virus. It’s the result of skewed and distorted thinking patterns.

If you are to stop viewing porn, you need to make it crystal clear to yourself that porn will never, ever give you what you want . Porn doesn’t have what you are looking for. It’s trying to solve a problem in a way that just makes the problem worse. It’s not relieving your stress; actually, it’s causing you more stress. Think: Does wasting hours every day relieve stress or put you under more stress? Does missing out on necessary sleep cause you stress? Does a guilty conscience relieve stress or compound it? You know this very well. Not to use that knowledge is pure stupidity, plain and simple, and it must stop now. So, think: 

· If you were starting your life over again, knowing what you know now, would you make a conscious choice to begin viewing porn?
· Would you consciously decide to be lumbered with a life handicap that will consume hundreds of hours of your time, leaving you with feelings of guilt, shame, fear and embarrassment?
· Would you recommend porn viewing to your kids? Would you encourage them to start looking at porn? Why not? If it’s not good enough for them, why is it good enough for you?
· Does this bizarre habit provide you with anything positive at all? Even if you do manage to think of some ‘benefits’ that superficially appear to be positive, aren’t there much better and less problematic ways of getting those benefits?
· Porn is essentially selfish and immature. Is that the type of person you want to be?
· In your pursuit of porn, are you behaving like a responsible, sensible grown-up, or like a child?
· Is porn viewing a rational choice for any logical, intelligent person? Or is it an insult to your intelligence to continue engaging in this behavior when there is a way out?
· Is porn viewing a logically defensible choice, a sensible, attractive option, or is it a pathetic withdrawal from real life, the retreat of a loser?
· Is spending hours every week on such a pointless activity an intelligent thing to do? Or is it one of the most unbelievably stupid things you could do with your time? Are you an intelligent person or a foolish one? If you’re an intelligent person, why are you behaving like a foolish one?
· Are you living in an alternative reality where porn is good for your health, takes up no time at all, strengthens your self-esteem and your family relationships and is universally appreciated and applauded? Or are you going to see porn for the filthy, disgusting parasite that it is?
· Are you ready to stop lying to yourself about what porn is doing to your life?
· Are you ready to quit downplaying the disadvantages of your porn addiction?

YOU CAN DO IT
Henry Ford is reputed to have said, “Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you are right.” In other words, self-belief is an essential element for success. In Porn Escape , I discuss some of the science that supports this view. If you’re to put maximum effort into creating a porn-free life, you must believe that it is possible for you.
The fact is that the majority of people in the world are managing to live quite adequately without porn. It may sometimes appear that everybody is using porn but actually that’s a lie. There are billions of men and women who are not viewing porn. Not only that, millions of people are totally disgusted by it. Presumably you know that and that’s why you don’t broadcast your porn activities to others. Furthermore, thousands of people who were once porn victims have gotten free from it. So consider:
· Are you really that different from the thousands of people who have overcome a porn habit in the past?
· If you search the internet, you can find the personal testimonies of people who have overcome porn; do you have any real reason to believe that they have some special gift that you haven’t?
· People manage to break addictions to nicotine, alcohol, heroin and crack cocaine — Is there really anything preventing you from breaking your porn habit, or is that just what you tell yourself?
· If you were told that the next time you viewed porn, you’d be shot (and you had reason to believe that threat), would you have any difficulty at all in stopping?
· How will recognizing the truth that many people have already stopped viewing porn set you free?
Can you drive a car? If so, then before your took lessons it was literally impossible for you to drive along the freeway. But it wasn’t impossible for you to learn. Now that you’ve learned a set of skills, what was once quite impossible for you has become rather easy. Easy to the point that you can do it almost automatically. You may have had the experience of arriving home from work and being completely unable to recall any of the journey. You stopped at lights, slowed down on bends, made the correct left and right turns, without consciously thinking about it. All you needed to do is learn a set of skills and practice them. I discuss those skills in Porn Escape . So you need to consider:
· Is it possible that the reason you haven’t discontinued porn use until now is that you simply didn’t know how?
· Are you willing to invest the time needed to learn and practice those skills?
· It’s true that learning new skills takes time. But how much time are you spending on porn viewing?
· Are you willing to invest the energy needed to learn and practice those skills?
· Is it possible that you could actually get really good at the skills needed to live a porn-free life? Might the skills you learn transfer to other areas of your life and make you a master of self-discipline?
· How would you feel if instead of fantasizing about sex, you were to fantasize about being unflaggingly powerful, morally strong, indefatigable, relentless in your pursuit of what is right?
· How proud of yourself were you when you got your driver’s license? Will you be any less proud when you learn to manage your life without resorting to porn?
· How will you be set free by recognizing the truth that you are capable of learning the skills that will enable you to stop viewing pornography?
If you ever find yourself thinking that you can’t overcome your porn problem, remember Russell’s admonition: “ Look into the irrationality closely, with a determination not to respect it, and not to let it dominate you .” The idea that you must remain a porn victim until you die is irrational. Be uncompromising in your determination that you won’t respect it and you won’t let it dominate you. Ideas have only the power that we give them. Be ruthless. Remember: This is WAR!

YOU CAN DO SOMETHING!

You don't have to be hooked on porn! Millions of people live happily without porn. You can be one of them.

Get the follow-up book 

Amazon.com

Amazon UK

Barnes & Noble

Kobo

Smashwords

In it, you'll learn more than a dozen techniques that can help you get free from your porn compulsion. You will see:

• Why  shame  and  guilt  don't work as motivators and what you can do about it.
• What personality traits can help you overcome your porn dependence.
• Why positive thinking can be  lethal  to your escape from porn.
• How to develop an escape plan to deal with triggers.
• How to execute your escape plan with the confidence and skill of a pro.
• The right and wrong way to promote success through visualization.
• The winning formula for changing your actions.
• Why you should  never  count days of abstinence.

WHAT IS YOUR PORN ADDICTION COSTING YOU?

• Money?
• Time?
• Relationships?
• Opportunities to develop skills?
• Peace of mind?
• Clean conscience?