Last week, I promised some more insights from Daniel Coyle's Little Book of Talent. So here are a few more points I gleaned that can help you in your escape from porn.
If you've read Porn Escape, then you'll know I recommend giving yourself a small reward when you carry out one of the activities. (Note that I don't recommend rewarding abstinence itself, because that gives your brain the message that porn viewing is desirable. When you look at it in the cold light of day, it's actually a very frustrating and exhausting experience.) But keeping score can be very motivating. How many times did you rehearse your porn escape plan? How many times did you visualize it? How often did you review your implementation intentions? You can make a game of it. Well, it turns out that Dan Coyle agrees:
“PLAY SMALL, ADDICTIVE GAMES. ... Playing a series of guitar chords as a drill is boring. But if you count the number of times you do it perfectly and give yourself a point for each perfect chord, it can become a game. Track your progress, and see how many points you score over a week. The following week, try to score more.”
I also recommend keeping a journal of successes and setbacks. That way, you can analyze what happened and make improvements to your 'game'. I believe it's wildly counterproductive to expect that after months, probably years of porn viewing, you can just decide one day that you won't do it any more and that it will happen. It's a process and you must learn from your mistakes. Note Dan's perspective:
“Most of us are allergic to mistakes. When we make one, our every instinct urges us to look away, ignore it, and pretend it didn’t happen. This is not good, because as we’ve seen, mistakes are our guideposts for improvement. ...Develop the habit of attending to your errors right away. Don’t wince, don’t close your eyes; look straight at them and see what really happened, and ask yourself what you can do next to improve.”
I also recommend constantly rehearsing your porn escape plan. This fits in well with Dan's comments on the vaue of repeatedly practising a skill:
“Instead of counting minutes or hours, count reaches and reps. Instead of saying, ‘I’m going to practice piano for twenty minutes,’ tell yourself, ‘I’m going to do five intensive reps of that new song.’”
Finally, I recommend that your porn escape plan should end on a positive note. After you've carried out your TEMPTING ALTERNATIVE TO PORN, you need to finish off by praising or rewarding yourself in some way. Look at Dan's comments here:
“END ON A POSITIVE NOTE: A practice session should end like a good meal – with a small, sweet reward. It could be playing a favorite game or it could be more literal. (Chocolate works quite well.) My ten-year-old-daughter ends her violin practices with a food-stomping rendition of the bluegrass tune ‘Old Joe Clark.’”
You can confidently walk free from the prison of pornography. You really can. However, you need to understand how your brain works and you need to work along with it. I'm constantly researching published material for new insights. Come back next week to see what else I've learned.
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